Okay, so i know it's no worse than the other comic book to movie translations, but the new Fantastic Four trailer?
C'mon, hollywood...it's like you're just not trying anymore.
Monday, January 24, 2005
What the hell?
XP is a sexy, dark-haired girl wearing the XP logo as a hair ribbon. As XP is sometimes criticized for bloating a system and being very pretty without being equally as useful, XP-tan wears very little and has large breasts.
and
Doctor Norton, an unspeakably lecherous old doctor, personifies the Symantec Norton AntiVirus software. While an ingenious physician, he is infamously known to request (and attempt) the total undressing of an OS-tan for a full physical inspection, even when they're completely healthy. The doctor's lust has no bounds, and his morality is void.
(from a random click off Firefox's Wikipedia page)
and
Doctor Norton, an unspeakably lecherous old doctor, personifies the Symantec Norton AntiVirus software. While an ingenious physician, he is infamously known to request (and attempt) the total undressing of an OS-tan for a full physical inspection, even when they're completely healthy. The doctor's lust has no bounds, and his morality is void.
(from a random click off Firefox's Wikipedia page)
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Friday, January 07, 2005
It's your time to shine
Here it is, your chance to belittle months of hard work in the nerd mines via a pithy one-liner in the comments section.
Blue Chairs
Blue Chairs
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
We can see you....
Go here and look into other people's lives. Their unsecured, broadcasted-over-the-internet lives.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Pompous game designer gets knighted...
So apparently it's now SIR Peter Molyneux. If only i could design games as fucking boring as Black & White.
Addendum: Dungeon Keeper was kindof cool.
Addendum: Dungeon Keeper was kindof cool.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
newsflash! local editor chris klimas caught in gay orgy!
that's right, loyal readers, you read it here first: publishing magnate chris klimas was sighted by yours truly at the trendy, upscale 'ambassador restaurant' with a contingent of foppish dandies! the 'boys,' as the waiter told me they had taken to calling themselves, ordered several bottles of champagne and (gasp!) made not-to-subtle sexual gestures sous-la-table! humble readers, i realize it is a new century, and that a boy can act as he sees fit with another boy, but with four to six other boys!? at the same time!? a spicy tale indeed; i dare say my vindaloo couldn't compete!
gnn
oy: no swrpg this evening. we'll resume on tuesday. haddock and i (and eeen and fishel, if he's available) are shooting said fish's movie, and i need to budget enough time to digitize and rough cut so we can submit it tomorrow or saturday. weep softly, my children.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Today's kids just can't appreciate the old school...
Precocious punks (read: asshole kids) of the playstation 2 generation review classic video games.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Color photos of Russia in the early 1900s
Czar Nicholas II commissioned Sergei Mikhailovich Prokudin-Gorskii to take a photographic survey of Russia. The catch: he took three black-and-white photos at a time, each with a red, blue, or green filter. So now we have the technology to put 'em together... I've never seen anything like this before. The full exhibit is here. Recommended: Harvesting Tea, The Emir of Bukhara, and Sergei himself.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Dear Christopher Walken
As Artist-in-Residence at Cornell's arts dorm, I am expected to come up with stimulating art-related programs for the students here to participate in. "Letters to Walken" allowed them the chance to write their yearly Christmas letter to Christopher Walken.
Monday, December 13, 2004
nerd-lit?
Curtained Room
The walls of this small room are entirely swathed in heavy brocade curtains. The only openings are to the west and northwest, and a closed lead-slab door to the south.
In the center of the room is a massive, high-backed chair of some pale wood. Directly before it is a tall mirror in a standing frame.
>sit in chair
You sit down in the chair, facing the mirror.
>look in mirror
You blink and stare into the mirror. How odd.
The mirror reflects your chair, and the curtains behind you, perfectly. But your own form is unclear -- as if the mirror were touched with some distorting oil. The blurring is strongest around your upper body; your head appears to be a faceless blank.
Nervously, you raise your hand to your own face. Everything feels in its place. But your reflection has raised a blurred hand to a featureless void.
Play online.
The walls of this small room are entirely swathed in heavy brocade curtains. The only openings are to the west and northwest, and a closed lead-slab door to the south.
In the center of the room is a massive, high-backed chair of some pale wood. Directly before it is a tall mirror in a standing frame.
>sit in chair
You sit down in the chair, facing the mirror.
>look in mirror
You blink and stare into the mirror. How odd.
The mirror reflects your chair, and the curtains behind you, perfectly. But your own form is unclear -- as if the mirror were touched with some distorting oil. The blurring is strongest around your upper body; your head appears to be a faceless blank.
Nervously, you raise your hand to your own face. Everything feels in its place. But your reflection has raised a blurred hand to a featureless void.
Play online.
nerd-chno? nerd-mo?
you decide. note: regardless of what your browser says, this song is not in fact 'a hazy shade of winter.'
or paste www.redstarkgb.com/temp/track2.mp3 in-a your browser.
or paste www.redstarkgb.com/temp/track2.mp3 in-a your browser.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Today's reading assignment
The history of safecracking:
Adam Worth, a celebrated Victorian criminal, made his initial fortune tunnelling into a bank in Boston. He then moved to England with his accomplice Piano Charlie where they both fell for an irish barmaid prostitute called Kitty Flynn. She eventually married Piano Charlie, but continued to sleep with both. Worth masterminded a huge variety of crimes in Britain, including stealing an entire diamond shipment from the Kimberley mines, and was not caught until 40 years later. He then, with his exploits publicised, became the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes' adversary Moriarty. Both Worth and Piano Charlie died in poverty, but Kitty became a rich and litigious widow in New York.Full text.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
a slightly longer time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
so, character creation obviously took up a chunk of game-play time last night. in the future, the adventures should run no more than 3 hours (4, if there is a complicated battle). i feel like we have a handle on the basics of gameplay. at the beginning of the next adventure, they'll be an opportunity to learn the combat system in detail (anyone with any relevant miniatures/action figures, bring 'em along), and after that, it's all gravy. space gravy.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Well shit
She immediately stated, "You don't understand, in order to get the contract we have to hide the manipulation in the source code. This program is needed to control the vote in South Florida."Full affadavit. Not a smoking gun, but something funny is definitely going on.
Red dwarf for charity...
Get out there and buy a picture of Rimmer on the toilet to help fight cancer.
Monday, December 06, 2004
He's a good man
No?
Think about it for a minute.
Then click here for the answer.
Bonus: nerding it up, LOTR style.
Friday, December 03, 2004
It's On The Table
And I am not refering to Klimas' wang.
It was discussed last night that perhaps we need to take a break from Poker Night, and replace it with some sort of other Tuesday night activity, at least for a few weeks anyway. Fishel had suggested some roleplaying, which fits perfectly with CH's suggestion of a Star Wars campaign (Hint: look directly below this post).
Since the odds of us finding fresh blood for poker seem rather slim, I think this is a good plan. Either that, or play CrashSmash until our fingers bleed.
Discuss.
It was discussed last night that perhaps we need to take a break from Poker Night, and replace it with some sort of other Tuesday night activity, at least for a few weeks anyway. Fishel had suggested some roleplaying, which fits perfectly with CH's suggestion of a Star Wars campaign (Hint: look directly below this post).
Since the odds of us finding fresh blood for poker seem rather slim, I think this is a good plan. Either that, or play CrashSmash until our fingers bleed.
Discuss.
spaceships and sabers
if anyone wants to take part in a 5-installment star wars rpg, gm'ed by me, lemme know. all y'all be 5th level jedis. setting: 100 bby (before battle of yavin).
EA releases "conceptual screenshots of next-generation console games"
On a related note, fuck you, EA.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
dedication + nerd = wtf?
once again, we lamesters have been put to shame by some nerds who know how to do it right.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
from mc'sweeny's
ON BEING
A CANDIDATE
TO TAKE OVER
A LATE-NIGHT
NETWORK
TALK SHOW.
BY MICHAEL IAN BLACK
- - - -
Culturally aware Americans are no doubt aware that a certain late-night talk show is currently seeking a new host. Because I am a candidate for this position and because I do not want to jeopardize my chances of getting the job, I will not say which network the show is on, but I will give you a hint. Its initials are CBS.
Perhaps you too would like to be considered for this job. Keep dreaming, sucker. You've got a better chance of being crowned King of Siam. (And just for the record—SIAM DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE.)
The truth is, there are very few people qualified for this job. For one thing, you have to be a celebrity. Fortunately, I am (very famous). Also, you've got to know everything about everything. Luckily, I do. For example, I was the guy who informed you that Siam doesn't exist anymore. Now it's some other country whose name I do not know.
On top of all of that, you have to be able to carry on witty banter with all kinds of people: soap-opera actresses, precocious children, British people (the worst). Again, this is not a problem for me. I am well-known for being a sparkling conversationalist in the tradition of Dorothy Parker, who I am told said some truly fucked-up shit. Here is an example of a witty conversation I might have with a young starlet:
Me: So what did you do on your time off this year?
Gorgeous Starlet who has a Barely Concealed Crush on the Host: I went to St. Bart's, relaxed by the pool, and drank piña coladas.
Me: Sounds terrible.
(Big laugh.)
The other thing is, you have to appeal to the demographic that watches these shows, namely the unemployed and the chronically drunk. These are my people; I know this because I once commissioned a scientific study to gauge audience response to my work. Two groups watched tapes of me performing my patented esoteric, self-aggrandizing brand of comedy. The first group watched in the middle of the afternoon and found me "tiresome," "cringe-inducing," and "most likely gay." The second group watched the same tape in the middle of the night after being administered a large cocktail consisting of equal parts vodka, gin, and Robitussin cough syrup. Those still conscious at the conclusion of the viewing found me "pretty funny," "stupid but, like, good stupid, you know?" and "most likely gay."
In late September, I did a brief stint guest-hosting this talk show for two nights. Needless to say, I looked great. New suit, new haircut, and the kind of tan you can only buy for $6 at CVS. Was I good? Obviously, I am not the best person to give an objective critique of my own performance, but on a scale of one to 10, I would say I was about a 300 million. Yes, I was good. So good, in fact, that after the shows, an extremely high-powered executive's assistant approached me and said, "Nice job." Now that may not sound like the highest praise in the world, but when you consider the fact this guy actually stopped eating his sandwich for a second to say it, I think you begin to sense the magnitude of the network's enthusiasm.
Some astute people have asked me if I even want the job. After all, it's a lot of hard work. A new show has to booked, written, and performed every night, five nights a week, 46 weeks a year. Obviously, this kind of time commitment will severely curtail all the charity work I do with various casinos.
But I believe that it's worth it.
Because, at the end of the day, I believe telling topical jokes and interviewing C-level celebrities is a higher calling. If this were the Middle Ages, talk-show hosts would be the priests, their guests the penitents. Or not. I don't know. Regardless, it's a hell of a lot better than what I'm currently doing, which is expounding on the cultural significance of The A-Team for VH1. (When they asked me for my occupation on my income tax return this year, I wrote down "Fundit," and almost collapsed from depression.)
But those aren't the primary reasons I want the job.
No, the main reason should be obvious to anybody who knows anything about late-night-talk-show hosts—those guys are fucking rich. And while being famous is great, being famous without being correspondingly wealthy is a lot like being a really hot nun. Totally pointless.
So if you see my name in lights around the first of the year, you will know I got my wish. If not, look for me on VH1 making snide remarks about whoever they do get. But you will know that I was once very close to being crowned the King of Siam.
ON BEING
A CANDIDATE
TO TAKE OVER
A LATE-NIGHT
NETWORK
TALK SHOW.
BY MICHAEL IAN BLACK
- - - -
Culturally aware Americans are no doubt aware that a certain late-night talk show is currently seeking a new host. Because I am a candidate for this position and because I do not want to jeopardize my chances of getting the job, I will not say which network the show is on, but I will give you a hint. Its initials are CBS.
Perhaps you too would like to be considered for this job. Keep dreaming, sucker. You've got a better chance of being crowned King of Siam. (And just for the record—SIAM DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE.)
The truth is, there are very few people qualified for this job. For one thing, you have to be a celebrity. Fortunately, I am (very famous). Also, you've got to know everything about everything. Luckily, I do. For example, I was the guy who informed you that Siam doesn't exist anymore. Now it's some other country whose name I do not know.
On top of all of that, you have to be able to carry on witty banter with all kinds of people: soap-opera actresses, precocious children, British people (the worst). Again, this is not a problem for me. I am well-known for being a sparkling conversationalist in the tradition of Dorothy Parker, who I am told said some truly fucked-up shit. Here is an example of a witty conversation I might have with a young starlet:
Me: So what did you do on your time off this year?
Gorgeous Starlet who has a Barely Concealed Crush on the Host: I went to St. Bart's, relaxed by the pool, and drank piña coladas.
Me: Sounds terrible.
(Big laugh.)
The other thing is, you have to appeal to the demographic that watches these shows, namely the unemployed and the chronically drunk. These are my people; I know this because I once commissioned a scientific study to gauge audience response to my work. Two groups watched tapes of me performing my patented esoteric, self-aggrandizing brand of comedy. The first group watched in the middle of the afternoon and found me "tiresome," "cringe-inducing," and "most likely gay." The second group watched the same tape in the middle of the night after being administered a large cocktail consisting of equal parts vodka, gin, and Robitussin cough syrup. Those still conscious at the conclusion of the viewing found me "pretty funny," "stupid but, like, good stupid, you know?" and "most likely gay."
In late September, I did a brief stint guest-hosting this talk show for two nights. Needless to say, I looked great. New suit, new haircut, and the kind of tan you can only buy for $6 at CVS. Was I good? Obviously, I am not the best person to give an objective critique of my own performance, but on a scale of one to 10, I would say I was about a 300 million. Yes, I was good. So good, in fact, that after the shows, an extremely high-powered executive's assistant approached me and said, "Nice job." Now that may not sound like the highest praise in the world, but when you consider the fact this guy actually stopped eating his sandwich for a second to say it, I think you begin to sense the magnitude of the network's enthusiasm.
Some astute people have asked me if I even want the job. After all, it's a lot of hard work. A new show has to booked, written, and performed every night, five nights a week, 46 weeks a year. Obviously, this kind of time commitment will severely curtail all the charity work I do with various casinos.
But I believe that it's worth it.
Because, at the end of the day, I believe telling topical jokes and interviewing C-level celebrities is a higher calling. If this were the Middle Ages, talk-show hosts would be the priests, their guests the penitents. Or not. I don't know. Regardless, it's a hell of a lot better than what I'm currently doing, which is expounding on the cultural significance of The A-Team for VH1. (When they asked me for my occupation on my income tax return this year, I wrote down "Fundit," and almost collapsed from depression.)
But those aren't the primary reasons I want the job.
No, the main reason should be obvious to anybody who knows anything about late-night-talk-show hosts—those guys are fucking rich. And while being famous is great, being famous without being correspondingly wealthy is a lot like being a really hot nun. Totally pointless.
So if you see my name in lights around the first of the year, you will know I got my wish. If not, look for me on VH1 making snide remarks about whoever they do get. But you will know that I was once very close to being crowned the King of Siam.
The Power of the Dark Side Compels You!
Because I know some of you would like to know, info about KOTOR II.
The Power of the Dark Side Compels You!
Because I know some of you would like to know, info about KOTOR II.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Prelminiary "Drinking Game" Rules for Burnout 3!
Prep Work:
-All players should decide on a single drink to consume before the match, that way all drinking is "fair" in terms of alcoholic consumption.
-At least several bottles (or pitchers) of said alcohol should be available.
Level 1: The Basic Rules
-The amount of drinks that you drink at the end of each round of play is determined by your placing in the round. For each place you finish behind first, you take one drink. This proceeds through each round until the match is over, or until someone dies.
Level 2: Heartbreakers and Multipliers:
-Catching either a multiplier or a heartbreaker will affect your performance by the same amount that the pickup would help / hurt your score. Multipliers will either half or quarter the amount you have to drink, depending on wether a 2 or a 4 is picked up. On the same token, picking up a heartbreaker will multiply the amount you have to drink by 2. Note that just like in the game, bonuses are not cumulative. Picking up a heartbreaker immediately cancels out all other bonuses, and multiplies your number of drinks by 2. Note that any multiplier bonus is applied at the END of any other drink calculation.
Example:
Feez sails his car gloriously through the air, but hits a heartbreaker on the way. This not only causes him to finish last, but multiplies his drinks. He finishes in 4th, which starts his drink total at 3. The heartbreaker then multiplies it by 2, making his total drinks a 6.
Level 3: Punishment for Failure (a.k.a. the hardcore fuck-up rules):
-If a player does not cause enough wrecks to make a crashbreaker, an automatic 3 drinks are appended to his total. Note that instant crashbreakers to not apply to this rule.
-If a player does not cause ANY damage to ANY car (the chris-harring sail-through effect), an automatic 5 drinks is added to their score. This is NOT cumulative with the no-crashbreaker bonus.
Ultimate Example (or, if you will, the WORST-CASE SCENARIO):
Chris Harring sails through traffic gracefully, missing every single car in his path. The only thing he comes into contact with is the heartbreaker. Due to this massive blunder, Chris Harring comes in last place.
The scoring would be as follows:
Chris Harring recieves 3 drinks for finishing in 4th, plus
Chris Harring manages to brilliantly avoid causing any damage at all, and thus places 4th. He takes 3 drinks for finishing 3 places behind first. Due to his completely missing any other car, he recieves a 5-drink no-crash bonus. After all these bonuses are applied, the number of drinks is multiplied by 2, due to his hitting the heartbreaker.
The total: 3 (last place) + 5 (no-crash bonus) X 2 (heartbreaker) = 16 drinks. Chris harring is now dead.
Let me know what you guys think!
-All players should decide on a single drink to consume before the match, that way all drinking is "fair" in terms of alcoholic consumption.
-At least several bottles (or pitchers) of said alcohol should be available.
Level 1: The Basic Rules
-The amount of drinks that you drink at the end of each round of play is determined by your placing in the round. For each place you finish behind first, you take one drink. This proceeds through each round until the match is over, or until someone dies.
Level 2: Heartbreakers and Multipliers:
-Catching either a multiplier or a heartbreaker will affect your performance by the same amount that the pickup would help / hurt your score. Multipliers will either half or quarter the amount you have to drink, depending on wether a 2 or a 4 is picked up. On the same token, picking up a heartbreaker will multiply the amount you have to drink by 2. Note that just like in the game, bonuses are not cumulative. Picking up a heartbreaker immediately cancels out all other bonuses, and multiplies your number of drinks by 2. Note that any multiplier bonus is applied at the END of any other drink calculation.
Example:
Feez sails his car gloriously through the air, but hits a heartbreaker on the way. This not only causes him to finish last, but multiplies his drinks. He finishes in 4th, which starts his drink total at 3. The heartbreaker then multiplies it by 2, making his total drinks a 6.
Level 3: Punishment for Failure (a.k.a. the hardcore fuck-up rules):
-If a player does not cause enough wrecks to make a crashbreaker, an automatic 3 drinks are appended to his total. Note that instant crashbreakers to not apply to this rule.
-If a player does not cause ANY damage to ANY car (the chris-harring sail-through effect), an automatic 5 drinks is added to their score. This is NOT cumulative with the no-crashbreaker bonus.
Ultimate Example (or, if you will, the WORST-CASE SCENARIO):
Chris Harring sails through traffic gracefully, missing every single car in his path. The only thing he comes into contact with is the heartbreaker. Due to this massive blunder, Chris Harring comes in last place.
The scoring would be as follows:
Chris Harring recieves 3 drinks for finishing in 4th, plus
Chris Harring manages to brilliantly avoid causing any damage at all, and thus places 4th. He takes 3 drinks for finishing 3 places behind first. Due to his completely missing any other car, he recieves a 5-drink no-crash bonus. After all these bonuses are applied, the number of drinks is multiplied by 2, due to his hitting the heartbreaker.
The total: 3 (last place) + 5 (no-crash bonus) X 2 (heartbreaker) = 16 drinks. Chris harring is now dead.
Let me know what you guys think!
hackenslashen.
if anyone is interested in a 3.5 edition d&d campaign taking place on monday evenings, lemme know. they currently have two players (lindsay is one of them), and they've just hit level three. word is, they're desperate for more. also, i believe it is an evil campaign. i was planning to be half orc, half sex demon, but they've apparently struck the sex demon race from the newer edition.
poked.
fishel and i won't be at poker this evening. he's gotta work; and i gotta help lindsay hang some flyers. on a related note, i'm trying to develop a burnout-based drinking game, if anyone has some spare time post-thanksgiving.
p.s. i unlocked the fire truck. which is fantastic.
p.s. i unlocked the fire truck. which is fantastic.
Friday, November 19, 2004
Thursday, November 18, 2004
A sight to behold
Hipsters at a metro station dancing together to the amusement and embarrassment of commuters.
The catch? There's (seemingly) no music playing.
The catch? There's (seemingly) no music playing.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
I HAVE HALF-LIFE 2!!!!!1!!!11!
Yeah, I do. That was it, really.
I'm half tempted to load it onto my multimedia workstation here in the office, but I somehow think there might be a downside to that plan...
I'm half tempted to load it onto my multimedia workstation here in the office, but I somehow think there might be a downside to that plan...
I'll be a little late tonight
Rob's working 'til 6:30, so I'm waiting around for his metropolitan self to show up. Expect us around 8 or so.
Monday, November 15, 2004
This week is the motherfucking shit-all end-all for videogames....
(edit: title edited to include more swearing)
Okay, so clearly the videogame companies hate us. Since joel mentioned it in the last post, i thought i'd put up the full list of games that are coming out this week. Anyone who wants to see me beyond tomorrow will have to share my attention/affection with my playstation.
Here goes (in no particular order):
November 16th:
Metroid Prime 2
Alien Hominid
Atari Anthology
Baten Kaitos
Capcom Fighting Evolution
Dance Dance Revolution: Ultramix 2
Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3
Growlanser: Generations
Half-Life 2
Need for Speed Underground 2
Sid Meier's Pirates
Ghost Recon 2
Street Racing Syndicate
November 17th:
Goldeneye: Rogue Agent
Metal Gear Solid 3
Okay, so clearly the videogame companies hate us. Since joel mentioned it in the last post, i thought i'd put up the full list of games that are coming out this week. Anyone who wants to see me beyond tomorrow will have to share my attention/affection with my playstation.
Here goes (in no particular order):
November 16th:
Metroid Prime 2
Alien Hominid
Atari Anthology
Baten Kaitos
Capcom Fighting Evolution
Dance Dance Revolution: Ultramix 2
Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3
Growlanser: Generations
Half-Life 2
Need for Speed Underground 2
Sid Meier's Pirates
Ghost Recon 2
Street Racing Syndicate
November 17th:
Goldeneye: Rogue Agent
Metal Gear Solid 3
Be Thou Not So Foul-Mouthed!!
Adventures in swearing at old video games. I especially like this one, which could easily work as Radiohead lyrics:
YOU ARE IN YOUR SPACE CRAFT
AN EXIT IS SOUTH
I CAN ALSO SEE :
AN ESCAPE BUTTON
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
FUCK
FRED POINTS OUT YOU WILL HAVE AMPLE CHANCE FOR THIS LATER
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
SHIT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
YOU ARE IN YOUR SPACE CRAFT
AN EXIT IS SOUTH
I CAN ALSO SEE :
AN ESCAPE BUTTON
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
FUCK
FRED POINTS OUT YOU WILL HAVE AMPLE CHANCE FOR THIS LATER
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
SHIT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
TELL ME WHAT TO DO
People with too much free time do the coolest shit...
Check out this N64-CD Case mod over at [H]ardOCP.
Alone in the Dark > House of the Dead
At least according to the intellectuals of Ain't It Cool News.
Stan Lee is turning over in his grave....wait, he's not dead
So, apparently Marvel comics is suing the makers of the online game "City of Heroes" because you can make "Marvel-like" characters, and make them do less than wholesome things, or something.
Ref: Gamespot.
Ref: Gamespot.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
There is Still Hope
Also, this serves as a further example of why mainstream media statistics are about as valuable as Klimas in a pants-wearing contest.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
This will probably get overturned by some sucka
But...
A U.S. federal court has ruled Osama bin Laden's driver was entitled to a hearing to determine whether he is a prisoner of war, a landmark decision that throws into question plans to try alleged terrorists as enemy combatants.
...
The judge rejected the U.S. government's contention that Hamdan and other detainees are not prisoners of war but enemy combatants. Hamdan was declared an enemy combatant last month by a review tribunal during a hearing from which his lawyer was barred.
"Unless and until a competent tribunal determines that petitioner is not entitled to protections afforded prisoners of war under Article 4 of the Geneva Convention ... he may not be tried by military commission ... ," Robertson said in his ruling.
"There is nothing in this record to suggest that a competent tribunal has determined that Hamdan is not a prisoner of war under the Geneva Conventions."
The court also ruled that unless the military commission guidelines are changed to conform to the Uniform Code of Military Justice, Hamdan cannot be tried by the commissions.
A U.S. federal court has ruled Osama bin Laden's driver was entitled to a hearing to determine whether he is a prisoner of war, a landmark decision that throws into question plans to try alleged terrorists as enemy combatants.
...
The judge rejected the U.S. government's contention that Hamdan and other detainees are not prisoners of war but enemy combatants. Hamdan was declared an enemy combatant last month by a review tribunal during a hearing from which his lawyer was barred.
"Unless and until a competent tribunal determines that petitioner is not entitled to protections afforded prisoners of war under Article 4 of the Geneva Convention ... he may not be tried by military commission ... ," Robertson said in his ruling.
"There is nothing in this record to suggest that a competent tribunal has determined that Hamdan is not a prisoner of war under the Geneva Conventions."
The court also ruled that unless the military commission guidelines are changed to conform to the Uniform Code of Military Justice, Hamdan cannot be tried by the commissions.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
the ascension of flash.
i'm sure flash's rise to prominence as an artistic medium is well-documented, but i've never been so convinced of it's arrival until this very moment. the short is called 'what barry says.' click the knife party links until you find it.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Revenge of the return of the revenge of the sith poster...
So here's the first teaser poster. Apparently the teaser trailer will show up on www.starwars.com on November 4th, and in theatres on November 5th.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
Would a Boston Massacre pun be inappropriate?
An Emerson College junior, drawn to Fenway Park to toast the first Red Sox pennant in 18 years, was killed yesterday, shot in the eye by a projectile fired by police seeking to disperse revelers who authorities said threatened to spin out of control.
Victoria Snelgrove, a 21-year-old journalism student from East Bridgewater, was struck by a pepper-spray-filled plastic ball at about 1:30 a.m., some 90 minutes after the Red Sox celebrated on the infield at Yankee Stadium, provoking an estimated 80,000 jubilant and mostly young fans to converge on Kenmore Square.
more
Victoria Snelgrove, a 21-year-old journalism student from East Bridgewater, was struck by a pepper-spray-filled plastic ball at about 1:30 a.m., some 90 minutes after the Red Sox celebrated on the infield at Yankee Stadium, provoking an estimated 80,000 jubilant and mostly young fans to converge on Kenmore Square.
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Thursday, October 21, 2004
kerry needs an industrial production center in california, clearly.
a sustained push into nevada could put the dems on texas' doorstep in two or three rounds. i guess it is still anyone's game. here's hoping bush doesn't roll heavy voting booths (each vote counts as three? we wouldn't have a chance!)
kerry needs an industrial production center in california, clearly.
a sustained push into nevada could put on texas' doorstep in two or three rounds. i guess it is still anyone's game. here's hoping bush doesn't roll heavy voting booths (each vote counts as three? we wouldn't have a chance!)
inglorious bastards
for those of you unaware, the yankees coughed up what will be remembered as the worst defeat in the history of organized sport. this is not hyperbolic mewling by career red sox fan, mind you. this summarizes the reasoned opinion of sporting afficionados across the nation. the security provided by a three-games-to-none advantage in a best of seven series is impregnable. fielding a team of four players would be acceptable practice in said situation. alas, those miracle sox (sans nomar garciaparra, i add with an aching heart) proved that no one is ever truly safe, we are all mortal. the slow, grinding crumble of an empire is thrilling. the ultimate 'real' event, because authority determines reality. and in the absence of authority? welcome to the new world order, ladies and gentleman. pick up your red sox nation passports and identity papers at the door.
the canadian annexation of memphis, tennesee?
Oct 21, 2004 10:25 AM
Int'l shipment release
MISSISSAUGA, ON
10:25 AM
Int'l shipment release
MISSISSAUGA, ON
6:07 AM
In transit
MISSISSAUGA, ON
Package available for clearance
Oct 20, 2004 8:44 PM
At dest sort facility
MISSISSAUGA, ON
4:46 PM
Departed FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN
10:55 AM
Departed FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN
12:12 PM
In transit
Package to be cleared by FedEx broker
6:02 AM
Shipment exception
MISSISSAUGA, ON
Package held for duties and/or taxes
2:38 AM
Clearance delay
MISSISSAUGA, ON
2:38 AM
Shipment exception
MISSISSAUGA, ON
Package held for duties and/or taxes
Oct 19, 2004 7:54 PM
Picked up
LINTHICUM HEIGHTS, MD
5:56 PM
Package data transmitted to FedEx; package not in FedEx possession
Int'l shipment release
MISSISSAUGA, ON
10:25 AM
Int'l shipment release
MISSISSAUGA, ON
6:07 AM
In transit
MISSISSAUGA, ON
Package available for clearance
Oct 20, 2004 8:44 PM
At dest sort facility
MISSISSAUGA, ON
4:46 PM
Departed FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN
10:55 AM
Departed FedEx location
MEMPHIS, TN
12:12 PM
In transit
Package to be cleared by FedEx broker
6:02 AM
Shipment exception
MISSISSAUGA, ON
Package held for duties and/or taxes
2:38 AM
Clearance delay
MISSISSAUGA, ON
2:38 AM
Shipment exception
MISSISSAUGA, ON
Package held for duties and/or taxes
Oct 19, 2004 7:54 PM
Picked up
LINTHICUM HEIGHTS, MD
5:56 PM
Package data transmitted to FedEx; package not in FedEx possession
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
"What I really want is Life-B-Here"
So says the inventor of TV-B-Gone, a keychain-sized device that grants you dominion over all the television sets of North America.
fed X or how i learned to start worrying and hate customer service
Tracking number
372865510002722
Ship date
Oct 13, 2004
Estimated delivery
Oct 22, 2004
Delivery location
ST. CATHERINE, ON
Service type
Ground-International
Weight
23.0 lbs.
Status
Package data transmitted to FedEx; package not in FedEx possession
Date/Time
Activity
Location
Details
Oct 14, 2004 6:25 AM
Package data transmitted to FedEx
Oct 13, 2004 6:45 PM
Picked up
WHITE MARSH, MD
372865510002722
Ship date
Oct 13, 2004
Estimated delivery
Oct 22, 2004
Delivery location
ST. CATHERINE, ON
Service type
Ground-International
Weight
23.0 lbs.
Status
Package data transmitted to FedEx; package not in FedEx possession
Date/Time
Activity
Location
Details
Oct 14, 2004 6:25 AM
Package data transmitted to FedEx
Oct 13, 2004 6:45 PM
Picked up
WHITE MARSH, MD
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Hillarious photo of the day
Bill Gates, with Queen Latifah at the microsoft developer's conference. Note that the Queen dwarfs Mr. Gates.
She's crazy. No, seriously. She's fucking insane.
I’ve got the best new “our director is a total nut-job” story for you, told to me by the director’s assistant, and confirmed by the head of the MPP program.
Apparently, at some point, the director (who also teaches classes for the MPP program) pulled aside the two Chinese students enrolled in the program, and told them that while they are at IPS, THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK CHINESE. They are apparently only to speak English while they are at IPS, or in IPS classes; even to each other. She then proceeded to tell morris, the MPP director, that if he hears them speaking Chinese, he’s supposed to step into their conversation, and correct them by telling them that they should be speaking English while they’re here. If that wasn’t ridiculous enough, I find it horrendously ironic that she doesn’t have a problem with our Swedish, Italian, and Israeli fellows speaking their native languages.
Half the time, the shit she pulls is just so crazy that all I can do is sit back and laugh.
Apparently, at some point, the director (who also teaches classes for the MPP program) pulled aside the two Chinese students enrolled in the program, and told them that while they are at IPS, THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK CHINESE. They are apparently only to speak English while they are at IPS, or in IPS classes; even to each other. She then proceeded to tell morris, the MPP director, that if he hears them speaking Chinese, he’s supposed to step into their conversation, and correct them by telling them that they should be speaking English while they’re here. If that wasn’t ridiculous enough, I find it horrendously ironic that she doesn’t have a problem with our Swedish, Italian, and Israeli fellows speaking their native languages.
Half the time, the shit she pulls is just so crazy that all I can do is sit back and laugh.
Best headline ever
Ukrainian Teen Fights the Rise of the Machines™
A 14-year-old Ukranian girl has struck a blow for humanity in the war against belligerent technology by completely destroying a Yalta cash machine - with her bare hands.
A 14-year-old Ukranian girl has struck a blow for humanity in the war against belligerent technology by completely destroying a Yalta cash machine - with her bare hands.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Just something i thought was worth checking out. I've never been a fan of constantly having to refresh pages to get new information, so i found this client called "Newz Crawler". If you can get past the atrocious spelling (which my warez-addled mind didn't even notice until i just typed it), it's a great client that basically does the same thing as Bloglines, except it sits on your desktop and auto-checks your blogs for you. It even has a built-in "blogthis!" client, so you can post directly from it to the jerk store, or any other blog that you got. You should all check it out.
P.S. Klimas, you should get crunchable an RSS feed. People can read it in newsreaders and on bloglines and stuff. No idea how you do it, just a suggestion.
I'm ready to take your money
I'll be there a little late, maybe around 8:15 or so, with Rob Roan in tow. We have worked out an elaborate signalling mechanism wherein I indicate my hand strength by trashing either Feezer's choice of decor, his dressing habits, or his predilection for poorly-plotted anime.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Bloglines is nifty
I've been pissed off at Google News ever since they posted an anti-Semitic article as the top story on Israel making raids in the Gaza. Granted, it only lasted a couple hours, but still... anyway, I tried using Bloglines and it's pretty cool. Basically, it lets you see what's new on various Web sites, so I've got it set up with Reuters and the Washington Post... and a whole bunch of random other sites.
Monday, October 04, 2004
>WIN FABULOUS PRIZES
Check it out, I entered an Internet contest that's like cammslamm but for nerds who write.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
seig heil, comrades!
in changing the address on my voter registration, i decided to stick my middle finger square up the ass of the hapless, slouching, imitative democratic party and jump the fuck off the ship (my sincerest apologies, gov. dean & rep. kucinich). the alternative? the party of noam chomsky, though i doubt anyone would identify it as such. the added bonus: nous parlons francais, cochons americans!
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
in life, nothing is 100%
and, as herr klemis can attest, 98% don't cut it either. at least there are shitty screenwriters to immortalize my senseless fascination.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Living in the future
Roger and Ann needed to meet Sergey in San Francisco.
“Should we take a train, or a steamship, or a plane?” asked Ann.
“Trains are too slow, and the trip by steamship around South America would take months,” replied Roger. “We’ll take a plane.”
He logged onto the central network using his personal computer, and waited while the system verified his identity. With a few keystrokes he entered an electronic ticketing system, and entered the codes for his point of departure and his destination. In moments the computer displayed a list of possible flights, and he picked the earliest one. Dollars were automatically deducted from his personal account to pay for the transaction.
“Should we take a train, or a steamship, or a plane?” asked Ann.
“Trains are too slow, and the trip by steamship around South America would take months,” replied Roger. “We’ll take a plane.”
He logged onto the central network using his personal computer, and waited while the system verified his identity. With a few keystrokes he entered an electronic ticketing system, and entered the codes for his point of departure and his destination. In moments the computer displayed a list of possible flights, and he picked the earliest one. Dollars were automatically deducted from his personal account to pay for the transaction.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
you princes of hampden, you kings of the junkyard.
popular opinion seems to hold that we camm slammed the shit out of the competition, despite the generally unelectable nature of our film(s). just a little too radical, i suppose.
no matter. we figure the result will either be 12 rip-offs next year, or, even cooler, a rule expressly forbidding the creation of related films.
please visit jason santa maria's website to see some fantastic photography from the event. if you are not amazed by what miah jones did with some supplies from wal-mart, an old sewing machine and an hour-and-a-half, then you, sir, are dead.
no matter. we figure the result will either be 12 rip-offs next year, or, even cooler, a rule expressly forbidding the creation of related films.
please visit jason santa maria's website to see some fantastic photography from the event. if you are not amazed by what miah jones did with some supplies from wal-mart, an old sewing machine and an hour-and-a-half, then you, sir, are dead.
Friday, September 17, 2004
Repurposed memories
Group shot. Here's the rundown (l to r): Marty - no additional comments needed. He's taken enough crap for one week. Sheila - in a slightly alternate universe, she might have been Courtney Love in her high school days. Actually, I don't think CL was schooled, but the resemblance remains. Pesci - some say that he lost the role of Jack Torrance to Nicholson only days before shooting began. Others say that he's brave to support the Mets while attending school in the south. I say that he's brave to support the Mets, period. Rachel - like Marty, has already paid her dues this week. Mia - I don't know her too well, but it doesn't take much to see the Tara Reid sparkle in her eyes. Grant - 90% obscured. Me - well, if you're actually able to get past my warm and engaging smile, you may be wondering what my left arm is doing.
allow me, if you will, to plant a seed in your subconscious.
hyperdictionary has always been my online dictionary of choice (no pop-ups, my sad, lonely friends), but now that they've added a dream dictionary? man, i can't get enough.
an example:
an example:
Dreaming of acorns means that you will be meeting with success in your professional life. All your hard work and sacrifices paved the way to this success. You might have started small, humble and modest, but you will be getting a big share of the wealth pie. Emotionally, you grew to be a stable, motivated, strong willed individual, who can make a difference not only in his life, but also in the life ot others.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Choose Your Own Cthulhu Pastiche
At the start of this adventure, you are living somewhere in Great Britain, not too far from a main-line railway. To discover your recent past, you must first decide upon your occupation. Are you an honest doctor, put upon and sickened by the war? Or are you a Detective, always on the lookout for some easy money? Or will you choose to be a Gangster, who, having already made your money, is intrigued by what is happening around you? Think carefully, for your choice of occupation will determine much about what happens during the course of this adventure.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
How are you. I am back.
My name is Mister Hamsi. I am seeing you. Haaaaaaaa. You must come to Turkey. I am cleaning your computer. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0. Gule. Gule.
I don't know why nobody made a virus that talks to you before now.
I don't know why nobody made a virus that talks to you before now.
Monday, September 13, 2004
Friday, September 10, 2004
Inside we are all boring
A sweepstakes aimed at Mac users:
To most, you’re a creative maverick. But you’re also a serious go-getter when you need to be. Clever new features in Microsoft® Office 2004 for Mac make it easy for your buttoned-up alter ego to take care of business.
To most, you’re a creative maverick. But you’re also a serious go-getter when you need to be. Clever new features in Microsoft® Office 2004 for Mac make it easy for your buttoned-up alter ego to take care of business.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
garden state p. 2
the second in a series of excerpts from zach braffffz' new screenplay
EXT. NATALIE PORTMAN'S BACKYARD. DAY.
Alright, so I got the audience going with the whole 'weird family' thing, now I just gotta bring 'em back to Earth. So...Largeman (as I mentioned on page 1., there is a certain element of irony to the name, 'cause he's/I'm actually kinda small and lost. Like if you set him/me in front of a bottomless pit, he'd/I'd be really small. Bottomless pit, eh? I can use that...) So me and Natalie Portman chat a little bit, bury the hampster, than I'll use that fucking awesome crane again. You should see this thing! You're all like, looking at everyone's face, then the camera just flies up into the air and you're looking down at the top of their heads! I wonder if I could use that in every single fucking scene...
ed. yes
EXT. NATALIE PORTMAN'S BACKYARD. DAY.
Alright, so I got the audience going with the whole 'weird family' thing, now I just gotta bring 'em back to Earth. So...Largeman (as I mentioned on page 1., there is a certain element of irony to the name, 'cause he's/I'm actually kinda small and lost. Like if you set him/me in front of a bottomless pit, he'd/I'd be really small. Bottomless pit, eh? I can use that...) So me and Natalie Portman chat a little bit, bury the hampster, than I'll use that fucking awesome crane again. You should see this thing! You're all like, looking at everyone's face, then the camera just flies up into the air and you're looking down at the top of their heads! I wonder if I could use that in every single fucking scene...
ed. yes
garden state
exerpt from zach brafsftzfs' new screenplay
EXT. ABYSS. RAINY EVENING.
Alfred scales an old crane. He lets the rain WASH over him (get it? Wash? It is cleansing him). He screams loudly into the bottomless hole below (the hole is a metaphor, see? It's almost like he is screaming into the depths of his charred, black soul. The Shins swell on the soundtrack. I love that band. Fuck, did I just write that? Huh. Oh well. I am Zach fuckin' Brafsftzfs. No one can touch me.
EXT. ABYSS. RAINY EVENING.
Alfred scales an old crane. He lets the rain WASH over him (get it? Wash? It is cleansing him). He screams loudly into the bottomless hole below (the hole is a metaphor, see? It's almost like he is screaming into the depths of his charred, black soul. The Shins swell on the soundtrack. I love that band. Fuck, did I just write that? Huh. Oh well. I am Zach fuckin' Brafsftzfs. No one can touch me.
How to cheat at Internet chess
The cool thing about this article is that the incomprehensible math only comes at the end, and it's pretty unimportant to the main thrust of the article, that things promise security without being tested (Zargon, Ergot: read as Diebold voting machines) are more often than not totally insecure.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Not That He's Trying Scare Us or Anything...
Cheney told Republican supporters at a town hall meeting in Des Moines that they needed to make "the right choice" in the November 2 election.
"If we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again -- that we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States," Cheney said.
"If we make the wrong choice, then the danger is that we'll get hit again -- that we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States," Cheney said.
there were green alligators and long-neck geese, humpy-bumpy camels and chimpanzees...
on the slipping sliding scale of awesome, this ice skates right to the top.
from das bbc:
from das bbc:
The European Space Agency's chief scientist has said that there should be a Noah's Ark on the Moon, in case the Earth is destroyed by an asteroid or nuclear holocaust.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
hurricane ivan strikes again.
September is a great month to be a gamer.
Okay, so a ridiculous amount of games are coming out in september. An abbreviated list:
spy fiction, locomotion, Juiced, Kohan 2, silent hill 4, gungrave OD, port royale 2, fable, gradius V, demon stone, nhl 2005, sims 2, sly cooper 2, syberia 2, growlanser generations, shadow hearts: covenant, tiger woods 2005, warhammer: dawn of war, blood will tell, DDR Extreme US, Half Life 2, Katamari Damashi, rome: total war, x-men legends, def jam: fight for NY, evil genius, myst 4, shin megami tensei, megaman x: Command Mission, and SVC Chaos are all due out this month.
The ol' burner's gonna be getting a workout.
spy fiction, locomotion, Juiced, Kohan 2, silent hill 4, gungrave OD, port royale 2, fable, gradius V, demon stone, nhl 2005, sims 2, sly cooper 2, syberia 2, growlanser generations, shadow hearts: covenant, tiger woods 2005, warhammer: dawn of war, blood will tell, DDR Extreme US, Half Life 2, Katamari Damashi, rome: total war, x-men legends, def jam: fight for NY, evil genius, myst 4, shin megami tensei, megaman x: Command Mission, and SVC Chaos are all due out this month.
The ol' burner's gonna be getting a workout.
Friday, September 03, 2004
It's time to decide. S or M.
Okay, kids. Saturday or Monday for Axis and Allies? I have no preference, except to know what's going on before Saturday starts.
Also, I thought it might be fun to play at Joel's place. Mine is certainly okay, too.
Also, I thought it might be fun to play at Joel's place. Mine is certainly okay, too.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
God hates spacemen
"If there were serious damage to one or two of the orbiters or the facilities needed to process and launch the orbiters, I think it would raise a very large question about the continuation of the shuttle program," John Logsdon, a member of the Columbia Accident Investigation Board and the head of George Washington University's Space Policy Institute in Washington, D.C., said.
gas up the colony ship, boys!
we got some fuckin' trillarians to enslave!
from chang chin chong news:
from chang chin chong news:
Astronomers in Europe and the United States have found two new planets about 20 times the size of Earth beyond the solar system.
The discovery might be a giant leap forward in the search for Earth-like planets capable of harbouring life. China Radio International reported Thursday.
educate us, natalie dee
sage advice:
this goes for all of you on the internet, too. before you go read the drudge report or whatever the fuck you guys look at, try fucking. it is way more awesome than not fucking. it is even more awesome than homestar runner (i am not lying.)
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
And so it came to pass...
So, now that the first night is gone, what did everyone think of the new poker system? I really liked it...for the most part, the betting was under control the whole night, for the most part, and i think the new table is absolutely fantastic.
Thoughts, gentlemen?
Thoughts, gentlemen?
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