As Promised...

Winkler by Giles Coren (Jonathan Cape)

And he came hard in her mouth and his dick jumped around and rattled on her teeth and he blacked out and she took his dick out of her mouth and lifted herself from his face and whipped the pillow away and he gasped and glugged at the air, and he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he'd ever had in there, and he yelled with the pain, but the yell could have been anything, and as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro.

More of Britain's top Bad Sex in Fiction awards.

This blog is totally not work safe

Don peril-sensitive sunglasses before clicking here. (unnecessary backstory)

Blast From the Past

I'm a Rebel on Rori looking to start a small network of role-playing Rebels in the Naboo system. I think people stay away from Rori because it is small and underpopulated, but it is a great base of operations from which to work on Naboo, which is far more populated. Anyway, if you're a role-playing Rebel, or Imperial, for that matter, come over to Rori and we'll get together.

Uh, except if you're an Imperial, we'll have to shoot each other with guns...

Vargas Clyestomene

jesus christ.

so i saw her on the street in seattle once, before she went on stage at a massive outdoor music/comedy/arts festival. and i'm like, 'holy shit, that's sarah silverman!' and everyone is like, 'who's that?' i stared at her from about 15 feet away and she smiled at me. everything was going fine until that douchebag jimmy kimmel got involved several years later.

Stop Uwe Boll

Do your part today.

RACISM.

1. Go here and type: blacks are. Note results.
2. Then type in: robots are.

The FeEz Monte Carlo Invitational Poker Tournament

Alright all, friday night at 7:30, i'm holding my birthday party, otherwise known as the tourney mentioned above. $10 buy-in, split to be determined once the tourney has started. Nice dress required...that way we can all pretend we're high-rollers.

SCIENCE.

Bryan Adams, Daleks, Smokey Robinson, George W. Bush, Green Day

Okay, this isn't topical in the slightest but I thought it was pretty cool, and I'm not a huge fan of any of the above recording artists.

FRAPPOW!

Or wait, is the sound of exciting information supposed to be "FRAZZOW!" I know where to find out: The Comic Word Dictionary.

The RIAA Hates You

I know that's not really news, but they are now on record basically saying that they will gladly compromise your privacy to protect their shit, even if you paid for it.

intruders!

Who Owns JPEGs?

Seems that question is up for debate.

Note: If you are not Ian or Klimas, you probably shouldn't bother reading this.

Love the Internet

Metroid Dread Cancelled?
Unannounced 2D Metroid game may have bitten the dust.
by Patrick Klepek, 11/20/2005

Earlier this year, a list of games Nintendo would be showing off at the Electronic Entertainment Expo leaked. As expected, the information spread like wildfire, and fans were rabid. Unannounced games like Mario & Luigi 2 were present on the list, and eventually showed up at E3 itself.

Metroid Dread was one such Nintendo DS game, but it never showed up at E3. It hasn't been announced, mentioned or discussed since the list made its appearance. In fact, there's been no indication players should expect anything but Metroid Prime-esque games like Hunters on DS anytime soon.

And now rumors are flying the in-development Metroid Dread has been canned. Confirmation from Nintendo on Monday's unlikely considering their policy on rumors, but if true, it doesn't bode well for old school Metroid fans. Until now, there's been a balance between the first-person takes and the 2D installments.

Then again, maybe it's just Nintendo practicing quality control, and we'll see a 2D Metroid down the line. The DS won't be making its exit for a while yet.

To summarize: the internet created an unannounced game, got excited about it, then cancelled said unannounced game and got upset about it. I guess it really has reached the point where it can entertain itself!

A meeting of the minds...

President Bush, meet Robo-Einstein. Robo-Einstein, President Bush.

meta-advertising.

OLD

Main Entry: product placement
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: the appearance of a product or service in a broadcast program or movie, paid for by the manufacturer to gain exposure for the product or service

NEW

main entry: meta-advertising
part of speech: noun
definition: the creation of a broadcast program, movie or website for the sole purpose of product placement. similar to 'advertisement,' except one is not supposed to know they are watching an ad. see also the lucky ones.

I knew there was a reason God let me live to see today.

Yes Fox, no one likes Arrested Development...

That's why, as of this posting, the DVD sets are the 2nd and 4th top sellers on Amazon, for the 2nd and 1st season, respectively. Note that season 2 is outselling Star Wars, Episode 3, Friends, Family Guy, Lost, Seinfeld, and Batman Begins. Yep, no one likes that shit.

Booooooooo.......

Apple gives in to record label pressure.

more.

Holograms, man, holograms

My only question is, are they singing/playing/etc live behind the scenes? If not, couldn't they tour, like, everywhere at once?

You say tomato

Apple has failed initiatives, Microsoft has discontinued software. Kind of interesting, in a oh-dear-lord-my-brain's-about-to-shut-down-completely way, to compare.

Tonight, in the grand tradition, we poker.

So yeah. My apartment, 7:30. Bring your friends so we can take their money.

end of an era.

i will no longer be actively searching for and promoting random and occasionally shitty webcomics for you. sad, i know. i won't even recommend the priceless 'dinosaur comics' guest strip about perl! like auto workers and clitoral stimulation, my job has been taken by a fucking robot.

Kiss Your Day Goodbye, Sukkas

More old games than you can shake a stick at, in Java

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

The Bluth clan of Fox's ratings-challenged "Arrested Development" is also headed for the exit after Fox cut the third-season order on the Emmy-winning comedy to 13 episodes.

Lethal beauty

At the very moment Kevin Hines launched himself over the guardrail and plummeted toward the water below, he changed his mind: "Oh s -- ," he thought. "I don't want to die! What am I going to do?"

He plunged headfirst, gaining velocity until he was speeding far faster than the traffic above him crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. The distance from bridge to water is the equivalent of 25 stories, and he was conscious the whole way. The descent passed quickly, as if he were flying. Yet in mid-fall he was strong enough to turn his body into a sitting position, so he hit feet first. He sank beneath the calm, frigid water. Deeper and deeper. Far scarier than the screamingly silent fall was the darkness beneath the surface of the bay. The deeper he sank, the darker it became.

The pain was indescribable. The impact had broken his back and shattered vertebrae. And then he began, with the instinct for survival of any animal, to swim upward toward light and air. When he broke through the surface of the water he was stunned to be alive, and momentarily thought he was hallucinating. He tried to swim toward a bridge pylon, but his pain overwhelmed him and he began to sink beneath the water again, struggling against dying. He managed to bring his head above water when he felt something -- something alive, a creature -- brush his legs.

"I didn't die," he thought, "and now I'm going to be eaten by a shark." The creature kept circling him, nudging him, preventing him from sinking back into horrifying darkness. He was aware of the echo of traffic, and car horns. Then he heard a boat motor. All of a sudden, hands were grabbing him, hauling him up, laying him on a board. A man in uniform -- it was the Coast Guard that rescued him -- was asking questions.

"What did you do?"

"I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge."

"Why?"

"I wanted to kill myself." He was 19.

The eyes have it

You gotta hand it to the pros at the Poynter Institute: they sure know how to cook up a fake headline.

Fun with the web!

Step 1: Go to Google.
Step 2: Search for the word "Failure".
Step 3: Note the first result.

I consider it disrespectful to talk to you in the rearview mirror

"Am I coming home today?" Louis was trying not to cry. He blinked rapidly behind the smudged lenses of his glasses.

"I will not lie to you," Strawn hedged. "I might not answer your questions . . . "

"So when am I coming home?"

"I mean no disrespect, but I learned a long time ago that I don't want to chase you," Strawn plowed on, ignoring Louis's question. He explained that he would handcuff Louis to Dalton. "And son, if you can drag this ugly sucker far and fast enough to get away, well, God bless you, you weren't meant to go." Strawn gave the scripted chuckle.

Parents hire this man to take their children to places like this.

Google Maps and RISK

Go together like any other two things nerds like to assemble.

No AI, though, so enjoy playing against yourself.

Jeff Feeser: Homeowner, Landlord.

So we got a call from the landlord of our building today, saying that she wants to sell our building, and she'd prefer to sell it to her tenants rather then go through a realator. The laundromat declined, so she's offering to sell the building to us for $300,000. Between the money we're paying in rent right now, and the money the laundromat pays in rent (according to the landlord), we can basically buy the house and have our monthly payments not change at all.

Feel free to write amusing sketches about "landlord FeEz".

Wadda Ya Mean The Site Fights?

Well no one is actually fighting. We point to various web sites. You visit them and pick the winner. Easy for you. Difficult for them. Unlike the various other awards on the Net, The Site Fights Championship is decided solely by the vote of the Entire Global Community. The Site Fights are a Web site competition based on fun, friendship, and fellowship. DFamily consist of individuals from all over the world who volunteer their time and talents to produce
"the first Internet Sport."

The more the site advances the tougher the competition. This truly is "The First Sport of the Internet". WebMasters and WebMistresses using all the Web Savvy they can muster to earn that elusive title. The Site Fights Champion.

Razzle-Dazzle Warfare

It seems that in an attempt to thwart German U-Boats in WWII, the Allies came up with some interesting artistic methods of camoflouge.

Truth In Boxes

We have finally entered the future

You are presented with the name and address of a business as well as a set of photos taken along the street where the business is supposed to be located. Your task is to identify the best photo of the business that is listed.

Amazon pays you 3¢ to be a human. It's actually kind of a cool idea.

And now, a break from the high-browed political satire of Klimas....

To bring you Kalashnikov, the russian-imported vodka that comes in a bottle shaped like an AK-47.

Apparently, according to the website, this is the "first vodka ever to be created by combining salt, sugar, vanillin and glycerin". I'm not sure how i feel about that.

Taken from the Vodka section at Liquorsnob.com.

Until somebody tells me otherwise I'm in charge of this here blog

Q Scott, what did the White House make of what happened in the Senate yesterday?

MR. McCLELLAN: What did we make of it? Do you have a question about it?

Q Yes, what do you make of it?

MR. McCLELLAN: Senators talked about it.

Q I'm just wondering what you all think -- what you all think.

MR. McCLELLAN: They talked about it yesterday.

Q I'm just wondering what you all think of it?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, if Democrats want to talk about the threat that Saddam Hussein posed and the intelligence, they might want to start with looking at the previous administration and their own statements that they've made. . . .

Q Isn't your statement in error when you say that the previous administration came to the same conclusion? The previous administration did not come to the same conclusion --

MR. McCLELLAN: I said the same conclusion, that Saddam Hussein--

Q -- to intervene militarily.

MR. McCLELLAN: -- that Saddam Hussein's regime was a threat.

Q But they didn't go to war.

Q But isn't the point of the --

MR. McCLELLAN: You want to talk about their comments? Let's talk about their comments.

Q But the point of what they raised yesterday is the President's decision to move militarily into Iraq. Are you saying --

MR. McCLELLAN: There's no more clear example of this threat than Saddam Hussein's Iraq. His regime 'threatens the safety of his people, the stability of his region, and the security of all the rest of us' -- President Clinton, remarks to the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Pentagon staff, February 17, 1998.

Q But he didn't take us to war.

Q But isn't the specific issue --

MR. McCLELLAN: The conclusion they came to was that Saddam Hussein's regime is a threat and a destabilizing force in a dangerous part of the world.

Q But he didn't take us to war.

Q But the specific issue is weapons of mass destruction.

Q But the question was whether the United States --

MR. McCLELLAN: You asked me about a statement I made, and I just backed up the statement that I made.

From: Brown, Michael D

> Last hurrah was supposed to have been Labor Day.
> I'm trapped now, please rescue me.

It's on.

The Internet makes you murderous

Nineteen-year-old boy asks a very popular Internet forum where he can procure buckshot in California, allegedly to fend off intruders on Halloween. Some posters make fun of him or tell him he'll end up in jail over it; others suggest stores.

He then kills two people, then himself, with a shotgun.

Now of course the rational defense is that anybody, Interweb-enabled or not, could have told him how to get all the ammo he needed. And likewise things like The Anarchist's Cookbook are protected speech anyhow. But it's not hard to imagine the headlines that will emerge once the media puts two and two together.

$200 Mac:

Component	Make	Price
Case	1-Bay ATX Case w/300W Power Supply	$18.00
Motherboard	ASRock P4Dual-915GL Micro ATX Intel Motherboard	$51.99
CPU	Intel Celeron D 340 2.93Ghz / 256K Cache / 533 FSB / Socket 478	$49.99*
Memory	2x AllComponents 256MB 184-Pin DDR SDRAM DDR 266 (PC 2100)	$22.39 x 2
Hard Drive	20 GB 7200RPM Hard Drive (Check Ebay, or your basement)	$19.99
DVD Drive	BTC 16X DVDROM	$12.59
	Total:	$197.34

Instructions: $0