AAAAAAAAAAAANNNNTTTTSSS!

Fuckin' whoa.

Words can no longer convey my contempt for this webloggery

not that teams should look past the dolphins, but assuming the patriots are 15-0 heading into week 17 i plan on dragging as many people as possible down to the 'don't know? tavern' (baltimore's best patriots bar, apparently?) to see what could be the first 16-0 regular season in the history of football.

note: drink discounts for those in patriots gear. if anything should make you suddenly become a pats fan, it is drink discounts.

It's A Screenplay

The Darjeeling Limited screenplay, provided to you by the fine folks at Fox Spotlight... for some reason.

Merry Christmas, sorry about the prequels!

30 years of Lucasarts' employee Christmas cards.

Go West?

Apparently not, as UPS is saving the world one right turn at a time.

Mascot Dance Party

The Internet Betters Us All

Watch out, criminals!

God fucking damnit.

1. w00t (interjection)

expressing joy (it could be after a triumph, or for no reason at all); similar in use to the word "yay"

w00t! I won the contest!

Submitted by: Kat from Massachusetts on Nov. 30, 2005 23:15



Your mirriam-webster's WORD OF THE YEAR.

according to espn.com,

Jets reportedly videotaped Patriots last season in Foxborough

president camacho would be pleased.

In the past 5,000 years, genetic change has occurred at a rate roughly 100 times higher than any other period, say scientists in the US.

Which Member of N*Sync are you?

I like Justin, 'cause he's dreamy.

He said it might be torture but that it "broke" the detainee in seconds.

"At the time, I felt water-boarding was something we needed to do," he said.

additionally, those videotapes of torture operations that were 'destroyed:' there's a good reason. apparently, the cia regularly does this to protect the identity of it's agents.

The New Toy Sensation

Hieronymus Bosch Action Figures, for the kid in you.

I Read This Book...

Sure, particles. Try telling me that when the invasion fleet gets here in fifteen years.

that is an automatic shotgun on the front of that remote controlled helicopter.

i'm not kidding.

A New Dawn

Clearly, the writer's strike has led to at least one good thing...

I see you haven't taken my advice yet. I wish you would. Sticking it out will only make your inevitable failure that much harder to bear.





Well, if you're still going to keep kicking this dead horse, you might as well play this and listen to this, because they're both pretty rad.

Obviously the driving force of the ship.

The inimitable Yahtzee (of Zero Punctuation fame), on the role of the British in Star Trek.

is there any chance, any chance at all, that japan is playing the longest-running practical joke ever? like, they actually are quite familiar with foreign cultures but do shit like this because it is awesome?

also, i'd love to know how this translator managed to get a verb out of 'christmas.'

Rob Liefeld is Bad at Art

Man, I used to really like Liefeld's stuff back in the day, but, yeah, looking back on it is not so pretty...

jl421 badonkadonk land cruiser

i'm not sure there's anything else i can say about this that isn't said better and more completely after the jump.

Today in the Inner Harbor...

This thing, along with several other ships, have sailed in to honor the historically important Army-Navy football game. More importantly, though, is that the USS Swift can be hacked and taken over from up to 3,000 miles away by anyone using Firefox. Have at it!

for your consideration.

the film i more or less wanted to make for camm slamm, as done by waverly films.

yes. yes it will.

other standouts include this man blending a guitar hero guitar (because the game doesn't feature the beach boys), 50 marbles and a bunch of bic lighters. not at the same time, though, because that would be too awesome. check out 'will it blend.'

The discovery is not as interesting as HOW they made the discovery:

"We were originally using the computer model for crocodiles, to see what they do. I decided to put the sauropod in as a laugh and was surprised to see that it did float," said Dr Henderson.

put this on your list of things to do in countries with little to no safety regulations.

it is the world's longest and fastest zipline, and it lives in south africa where i guess you're allowed to build awesome stuff like this without the man getting all up in your shit.

'Nuff Said

Canada revealed the three mascots for the 2010 Vancouver Olympic games; all of which are mythical creatures, two of which I think they just made up.

I DECLARE THIS BLOG, AND BY EXTENSION ALL BLOGS, DEAD.

As always, I am three months ahead of the game. Here's what I decided after I declared my own little effort stillborn: jerkstore is a blog made of links with mildly humorous pictures. Sending your friends links is best accomplished by gchat (subtitle or message, who really cares) if you're not web2 savvy, and delicious if you are. delicious is EXACTLY the same thing as a blog except it takes 5 seconds to post instead of five minutes. RSS feed? yes. add your own snide commentary? yes. add humorous picture?

drink the kool aid already, losers. the only thing blogs are good at are talking about your emotions. if you want me I'll be here, here, and here and here.

And to think I posted a gchat subtitle about having nightmares all day today and not one person asked about it.

In your honor...

In honor of the return of the jerk store, let's direct our attention to its legacy. 3 years ago, to be exact. We founded it in May of 2004, but here's a sampling of the events that were on our minds in the great month of November 2004:

• Revenge of the Sith hadn't come out yet. I kicked off the month with the first teaser poster.
• Slipshod introduced us to the still goddamn fantastic Knife Party.
• Klimas posted a CNN article about a US federal court ruling regarding trying Osama Bin Laden's driver to determine wether he was a POW. This "threw a curveball into plans to hold terrorist suspects as enemy combatants"
• The Uwe Boll tour de force "Alone in the Dark" scored higher than the Uwe Boll classic "House of the Dead", according to AICN.
• Half-Life 2 came out. A better game hasn't come out since.
  
• Slipshod tried to start a 3.5 campaign in which he played a "Half Orc, Half Sex Demon".
• At Slipshod's recommendation, I came up with rules for a Burnout 3 Drinking Game. We have yet to play it, and i still believe we should.
• Lastly, KotOR 2 wasn't out yet either, so Zarg posted some info about it.

Simpler times, perhaps. Ah, memories.

Prodigally Returneth.

You know, i really did feel like there was something missing from my life. Some blog-shaped hole that wasn't being filled by the cblogs at D-Toid, not by google talk messages, and not by me scrawling snarky comments about funny websites i found on my office walls. And know, thanks to Slipshod, i know that it was The Jerk Store. Jerky, I've missed you. Let's not fight again. But if we do, let's direct all our hatred at Zargon.

and finally.

is this a guide to naturally occurring fungi or to the nearest shroom dealer's house? as far as i can tell, it is both and also not a game.

'roll, you piece of shit,' said sisyphus to the stone.

yeah, i just sit around the house thinking about death. what of it?

dawn of the dead.

i don't think we made a pact. we should've made a pact. like those kids in the movie with the train and the dead kid, except with blogs. yeah, sure, gchat subtitles are the new blogs because you can post shit about black holes and poetry and everyone can see it right away and wee-hee! but this is act ii in the movie in which the two of us 40-somethings that weren't killed in the horrific wreck on the way back from atlantic city are, with the shitty sweet sadness of fresh dew, narratively bookending the story about when we weren't dead. in act ii the jerk store comes back to life and sets us irreversibly on course toward that fateful night on the jersey turnpike and the audience is all ISN'T IT FUCKED UP THAT THE DUDE PLAYED BY HEATH LEDGER WROTE THAT SHIT ABOUT HOW THEY WOULD ALL DIE AND THEY DID?

just you wait. post, you stupid motherfuckers.