And it's beautiful

The first known recorded music.

How the mighty have fallen

One day the lord of the underworld, the ruler of the dead -- the next, 134340.

Fateful words

Materazzi said that when Zidane offered to give him his France jersey after the final whistle, in response persistent shirt-tugging by the Italian, he had replied: "I would prefer your sister."

...

The Italy defender said that while he had told FIFA he was willing to make a gesture of reconciliation with Zidane, he was not going to apologize.

"He has not apologized to me and I certainly don't have to apologize to him.

" If anything, I owe apologies to his sister, although I swear, before all this mess I didn't even know Zidane had a sister," he said.

if i'm posting about mcswny's...

...you know it has to be good.

Killin' time

Everybody likes bumming around Wikipedia, right? Save yourself from reading about boron and cut to the chase.

Also: most popular articles. I don't get why this is #7.

Fun With Graph Paper

We used to draw X-Wings on graph paper, but these guys have gotten way serious about it...

ok, so there's nothing new about fucking with these spammers; somewhere in the depths of the archives you can find at least one other instance of this project. but this time wikipedia came to my aid!

ATTENTION:BEBEFICIARY. FROM THE DESK OF:
MR,MAVCICI OGUGUE DIRECTOR,
INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE
FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPT,
UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA PLC,
LAGOS-NIGERIA.

ATTENTION:BEBEFICIARY.
Following the protest of the International Community, The World Bank, IMF and the instruction by the President and Commander in Chief of the armed forces
(Chief General Olusegun Obasanjo) that all outstanding foriegn debts especially Contract payment should be released to the benefeciaries forthwith unconditionally.

YOUR INHERITANCE FUNDS OF $15.5M

My dearest Mavcici:

I should start by saying that I am a great admirer of your country's president: a soldier-democrat in the finest sense. Obasanjo's exploits are legion: his commitment to democratic reforms and his campaign against corruption have impressed me greatly. Additionally, you should know that I am the sworn enemy of Abacha and did not grieve that pill-popping meglomaniac's death for an instant.

It is for these reasons that your comminque intriques me so greatly. Indeed, I often feel that a piece of my heart beats as would an apala talking drum! Your great president wishes to follow the rule of law and return this money, a gracious gesture for which he should be congratulated heartily.

Please contact me immediately with the next step I must take to gain posession of this money. Trust me when I say that ever dime will be used to better the lives of individual Nigerians like you, Mavici!

Yours gratefully,

Col. Christopher Pollux Harcourt-Smith

Dear Col. Christopher Pollux Harcourt-Smith,

How are you today? l want you to know that i appreciate your concern regards our country Nigeria.

l will like you to know that this funds will be released to your account as the Beneficiary of the Stated funds all you need to do right now is to send the following information immediately for re-confirmation.

august 28, 2006: c.h. tries to pick up where klimas left off, only to be fucking frustrated at every fucking motherfucking turn.

Blogger Problem

This server is currently experiencing a problem. An engineer has been notified and will investigate.

Status code: 1-500-3

Please visit the Blogger status page or the Blogger Knowledge Base for further assistance.

Meaty Monday

I think I've found the perfect drink for the Yavin 4 party this weekend...

Jerkstore 2k4 1k: Year One: A Retrospective

• 10 May 2004: Feezer makes the first post to the Jerkstore, signing his name in a combination of uppercase and lowercase letters that continues to baffle historians.
• 11 May 2004: CH makes his first post, a meandering soliloquy on the evils of: the Bush administration, the Interweb, and perhaps: Bill Clinton. First posts follow from Klemis and Haddock.
  
• 12 May 2004: first girl post as well as first Fishel post.
• 20 May 2004: first Toothpaste for Dinner post.
• 21 May 2004: first war crimes perpetuated by the U.S. post.
• 27 May 2004: first Star Wars post.
• 19 June 2004: CH announes he needs some help smashing up a piano.
  
• 24 June 2004: AFCINS seizes control of the Jerkstore in an overnight coup d'etat and paints the blog red. Opinion on the street is mixed.
  
• 29 June 2004: Feezer, appealing pitifully to Blogger admins, regains control of the blog.
• 16 August 2004: Haddock declares Jerkstore dead.
• 9 September 2004: CH rips the hell out of Garden State in a pair of masterful posts.
• 10 November 2004: Bush's re-election passes by nearly un-noted.
• 13 January 2005: the conversion of WHFS to El Zol passes by nearly un-noted.
• 14 February 2005: Feezer visits New York City for the first time in his life, continues to oddly capitalize his name.
  
• 21 February 2005: Hunter Thompson's suicide, oddly enough, doesn't pass by un-noted.
• 31 March 2005: Feezer proudly announces he's moving to Baltimore. Harring shoots back: "you gonna get eaten alive."
• 29 April 2005: Klemis and Haddock go to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, stills of which had been posted on the second day of the blog.
• 5 May 2005: first Corey post.
  
• 16 May 2005: the Star Wars series culminates in a 40 hour orgy of nerdery.
  

1K.

So this is it. The 1,000th post. I know some of you want something brilliant and insightful, but i never really thought that was the style of The Jerk Store. So, in lieu of that, I offer up the most "in spirit" comment i can think of:

Seriously, you're all fags.


To commemorate the occasion, here's a picture of Purple Tentacle playing Playstation.





Now that that's out of the way, feel free to post your "Jerk Store memories" in the ensuing posts.

Seriously? Seriously.

On September 11th, to "celebrate" the fifth anniversary of 9/11/01, CNN will replay their coverage of the entier 9/11/01 morning, in real time.

Respectful, or completely insane and tastelss? you decide.

An average of more than 110 Iraqis were killed each day in July, according to the figures. The total number of civilian deaths that month, 3,438, is a 9 percent increase over the tally in June and nearly double the toll in January.

un-fucking-imaginable.

Crossing Over

Some of them are obvious. Some of them are obvious marketing. Some of them just make you wonder...

They're random comic crossovers.

remember j.t.'s goodly image when we were younger? a chilly fall rain of heartbreak and true romance? it was pretty fucking terrible. luckily, we all grow up and decide it is cool to say 'motherfucker' in pop songs, have timbaland and rick reuben produce our albums, make super-slick videos with guns, explosions and sexy girls, get paid, and know we are awesome.

Superman, 1940

Conventional Supermanic History tells us that Kryptonite, Superman's one major weakness—a piece of mineral from his home planet—was created fully formed from the writers of the Superman Radio Show in 1943 and first appeared in the Superman comic books in 1949. It tells us that Superman never learned that he came from an alien planet—nor that said planet was named "Krypton"—until 1949. And it also tells us that Lois Lane never learned that Superman and Clark Kent are one-and-the-same until sometime in the 1990s.

If Jerry Siegel had his way, all of these events, and more, would have occurred in 1940—but "The K-Metal from Krypton" was never published.

What I was really trying to say.

An entertaining exchange I had the wherewithal to record.